Yesterday I opened up about the truth about my battles with anxiety.
In a way it was only to share my feelings to people that might possibly
be fighting the same battle, little did I know was that people would
respond within hours, both supporting and thanking me for sharing my
feelings. As I mentioned in the post, we're not alone, and I'm feeling
very positive that other people in the same place like myself are
enlightened that they're not alone; keep on smiling.
Such
a response has encouraged me to talk about other topics that I find
disheartening or troubling. And what I find truly terrifying is a
discussion about religion. In no way do I wish to cause offence, let me
just make absolute clear on that, because my intentions are to share the
troubles I have when discussing religion in a respectable manner.
Why I find it terrifying to talk about religion
I'm
an Atheist, I do not believe in God or Gods, and as a fantasy writer
you might find that hard to believe. Of course, I have Gods in my
stories, many faiths that strongly believe in them and so on, but as a
person living on Earth I do not believe in the existence of God. I was
raised by religious parents, made to go to a Christian school, and
preached religious ways. This did not make me feel bitter, but as a
being that takes great interest in history, facts and science I found it
quite difficult to believe in something high in the sky; but such
questions did not make me announce that I was an Atheist. When my
mother, whom still suffers today, was diagnosed with a brain tumour, I
was shattered. My family went into a very dark period, the cancer was
incurable, and as today my mother is fighting still. However, it was
when people started to approach me and say they would pray for my mother
when I felt the most confused.
What exactly does that mean? Are they
asking a God to cure her? Are they saying the situation is so dire that
only religious ways can save her? Does it mean they're trying to cure
her? Does it mean they do not believe in medicine, science and surgeons?
Of course, I can see it as a will of good manners, just as people
say good luck before an interview, but I was really confused at how
helpful this was.
This is where my title begins to make
sense. When I questioned a teacher that said this to me, in a manner of
curiosity, she was taken back that I did not share the same belief that
a prayer had any power. Being realistic, we hear about death almost
everyday, and I am more than sure that people have prayed and have seen
no success many of times. I never once prayed for my mother, and while
my mother was upset and wanted me to pray, I refused. Of course that did
not mean I did not want her to recover, but I knew that treatment was
the only way of any chance of recovery. My teacher told me the power of
prayer, how it can cure illnesses and protect people from harm. My
mother has been religious her whole life, and has a litre of Holy Water
in most rooms in the house, so why would she suffer from cancer? She's
religious, she follows the ways, she prayed and prays today? It is silly
to think about the question why she suffers, no God has inflicted this
on her, and no God will cure her from it. It just happens. My teacher
wasn't giving me any answer of sorts that made sense, so what did prayer
mean?
My grandmother prayed for my mother, as I'm sure
that other members of the family did also, but I saw no results
whatsoever. My mother had treatment, lost her hair, looked pale and
sickly for many months, was horrified of going bald, was told she only
had years to live, where was the power of these prayers? This was when
my friend tried to reveal the true fact that my mother was still alive
because she was being cared for by God, and that the prayers were
keeping her alive. I disagreed completely with my friend, and this is
where I started to have a fear of disagreeing with the religious mass. I had offended him, and as a result he believed my mother would die because of my lack of faith.
I do not believe for one second that a greater power is keeping her
alive, or that prayers work. He was upset, but more offended that I was
not thankful for his prayer. The reason for my mother pulling through
the operation was because of the surgeons, and the doctors, and everyone
involved medically in her recovery. Should she have refused medical
help because of the power of prayer she would have been long dead, and
that is a grim fact. I wanted to share just a little background to why I
struggle with religious discussion today. A few of my family members,
including my grandmother and mother, were absolutely appalled at the
discovery that I did not pray.
Now back to the title
to why I find religious discussion terrifying. Again, in no way do I go
out my way to offend anyone, yet so much offence is caused, and why,
because I ask questions. I know there are many people, both religious
and not, that will go out there way to force their opinions on others,
and my purpose is far from that. For example, and this is one reason I
am considering quitting Faceboook, is that a lot of people share around
these pictures of a man (supposedly Jesus) with writing 'I love God and
God loves you. Only the good will share this picture, just you watch!'.
Now I'm awfully sorry, but what exactly is that picture meant to mean?
Does that mean that only religious people are good? Does it mean only
Christians are good? Is it meant to give the impression that If I do not
share the picture then I am sinful? And like many times, I simply
ignore the picture, and chose not to engage in a discussion about the
meaning due to fear of causing offence. Like I mentioned about my past,
some people are sensitive about their faith and believe any form of
discussion is an attack. There are many people like myself who like to
ask questions, our intentions are not to offend.
However,
when I see a picture of the same supposedly Jesus, with writing saying
'Follow me or burn in Hell' I find that absolutely insane. Imagine if I
said the same thing about reading my novel, Cold Heart, 'Read my novel
or you will all burn in a pit of fire for your ignorance'. More than
likely people would find that amusing. Now, please do not mistake me, I
am sure that there are lots of religious people that would agree with my
statement that It's stupid, as I'm sure there are others that will
strongly support such a statement that people who are blind to the faith
shall burn; I know there are sides to everything. However, that does
not change my opinion that I find it insane, and I will challenge this.
When I asked my friend why it was acceptable for me to burn because I
won't share his picture, he was taken back at my lack of faith, and
accused me of being mean, and this was just the beginning of the
discussion. He later went to say he finds our friendship questionable.
At first I thought this was just a silly joke, surely no one was so
sensitive about being asked just a single question? However, he was most
furious, and asked me not to talk to him again. Now, this is a friend I
used to get on with, quite well actually. And I find myself questioning
myself whether it's worth actually trying to have a civil discussion
about it? Is it worth losing friends because of a discussion? I don't
want to lose a friend because of a discussion, yet it has happened in
the past, and this is worrying.
Should I keep silent to keep the peace?
Why
is it acceptable for people to share pictures of a man with silly
statements, yet when one questions that picture they are branded as
offensive? No, it is not offensive that I am asking why I should burn
because I am an Atheist, yet the troubles continued, but with another
friend. I posted a video on my wall a few months ago about a young girl
who was killed by her mother for not following the same faith, now, you
will find plenty of those sort of videos, but the video I posted was in
the format of being told by a newsreader. It was a short clip, and I
typed a few words with the video stating that everyone has the right to
an opinion, and better yet, an opinion that is respectfully put.
Unfortunately, another friend was outraged at both the video, accusing
it to be full of lies, and that my statement was hateful towards
religious people. She swore at me in all capitals, and quite quickly I
took down the post and deleted her comment because I felt horribly
guilty about causing some one so much stress. I spoke to my friend in a
private message, stressing that I in no way was trying to cause offense.
She said I'm a bitter man, and ignored me.
A few days ago
my friend posted on her wall that her mother had survived an operation
because of the power of prayers, and she was most thankful to her
friends, but more so to God; without him 'she would have died'. Her
friends were praising God, thanking him for this wonderful miracle. Now,
I was extremely delighted to hear of the success of her treatment, but I
was curious to why there was no thanks to the hospital and medical
staff? Just going back to the point about the prayers for my mother,
prayers alone would have done 'bugger all' to help my mother. She would
have been dead without medical treatment, that is a fact, and I am
forever grateful to the team that helped her, and still help her to this
day (and my father who has sacrificed everything just to look after
her). So what I did was send a message privately to my friend, keeping
in mind that a lot of her friends are praising God, the last thing I
wanted to do was to disrespectfully agree with the mass, I shared my
many congratulations on the success of her treatment, not once saying it
was a miracle, but I also questioned why there was no sign of thanks to
the surgeons that had worked on her mother's heart? My friend did ask
me nicely not to ask another question like that, that it was
disrespectful and bad timed of me to raise that question. Yet I thought
to myself, why is it fine if people are saying miracles are wonderful,
yet the poor medical staff that had worked many hours to save this woman
had received not a single bit of praise? Of course, I dropped the
conversation, I was absolutely relieved at the recovery, and decided
that trying to have a civil discussion was not going to happen. Yet this
is the same friend that many months ago told me that she questions my
morals because I don't go to church. Now I'm leaving that for another
post, but you might understand why I am confused at the acceptance of
speaking positively about religion, but should you question it you will
be given the cold shoulder. And this is what I have trouble with, we can
speak freely about politics, the difference between parties and
leaders, about finances and education, and even who is the best singer
on X-Factor, yet when we speak about religion there is so much
sensitivity and offence caused that I find it truly terrifying indeed,
while at the same time I find it terrifying that I am hiding my opinion
in the dark, what does that say about the future of democracy, the right
to speak?
I have a few none religious friends,
one of which feels afraid to speak about Atheism as well, due to the
fear of causing offence. I really find this saddening, in the age of
2015 there are still people afraid to speak their opinion? I can't even
speak to my family about why I am an Atheist because I get plastered
with 'I was raised better than to ditch my faith in Christianity'. Many
of times I watch debates on Youtube with none religious and religious
people, and I read books on religion also. Yet I keep this all very
private, and I am ashamed that I do not have the strength of, let's say,
Richard Dawkins, who many of times debates openly about facts, and
while at times he can say rather brutal speeches, many of times he does
act the gentleman in his debates.
I don't want to lose
friends because of religious discussions, yet it pains me to see my wall
plastered with all of these religious stories and messages, and it
pains me even more that I have to keep my curiosity in knowing why to
myself. I feel guilty of feeling weak, and ashamed I lack the courage. I
often question myself whether a truer friend would not accuse me of
such hateful things, and perhaps I just have a lot of sensitive friends.
Many times I tell myself that there is absolutely nothing wrong with
asking questions, and if It causes offence then so be it. I know for a
minute if I were to post the picture below I would be slaughtered by my
many offended friends, and yet I know should they share a picture saying
Jesus died for us all, and that we should be grateful, that they would
find it perfectly acceptable.
I understand I could
have written this much better, but I am speaking purely how I feel.
Perhaps in the future I will write about religion in depth and question
it without the fear of causing offence, but as of the moment I might
just have to keep my opinions to myself, yet at the same time ... I can
feel this great injustice, it's not fair, and perhaps I might question
(in the same old respectful manner) these posts and my friend's beliefs.
Do excuse any errors you might have found, I like to write my posts quickly, and not like a chapter in my novel.